all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
