Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
