The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize