i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
