hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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