I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
