I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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