If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
