i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
