4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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