i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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