How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
