remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
