I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
