He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize