My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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