im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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