Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
