So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
