I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
