New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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