at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
