how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Randomize
