So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
