So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
