I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
