the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
