Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
