i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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