Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
