the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
