she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
