you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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