I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
