Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
