I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
