exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
