after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
two words: eviction party
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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