U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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