Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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