she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
