so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
