Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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