remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
