maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
