i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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