I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
