is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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