im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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