So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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