I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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