New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
