She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
