after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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