I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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