It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
