I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
