Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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