I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
