I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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