I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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