apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
