I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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