can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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