New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize